i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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