out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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