well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Two words: blizzard sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
