Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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