Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
