I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
