Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
