i think my tv is drunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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