i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
