Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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