Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
