Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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