She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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