Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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