new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had sex on a roof
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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