Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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