whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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