you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
