I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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