I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
