did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
