I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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