I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
