Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
try to milk me bitch
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