my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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