Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
