talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
