ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
