i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
