My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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