this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
