she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
