Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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