can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
