At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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