That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
