the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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