U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
