why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
