man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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