someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
