I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
