I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
