lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
