so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
