i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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