omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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