she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
