Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
