That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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