Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
