I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My ass is underappreciated
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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